Steroids. On my mind all day.
I train 4 days a week. On the days where I train, all I can think about are the lifts. How they will feel, how hard they will be, how I should feel, etc. That's all I think about. On my days off I watch endless videos of powerlifting and training, basically taking in all I can and learning from other people. I love training and will be until the day I die.
I also think about steroids alot. How much stronger I could be. How much better I could look. The way people thought of me would totally change. On top of that, its another thing that I constantly read about. I look up articles and papers done by university's, and colleges. Anything I can. Get every side of the story.
First thing is, I'm natural. I've never taken steroids before. If you can't tell by my lifts that I'm natural, then you probably don't care about the weight aspect, or maybe you go to a goodlife, fit4less, or snap fitness, which is fine of course, but not really geared towards powerlifting. Its clear that I'm not geared up. My lifts would be embarrassing if I was on gear. I'm not going to go into when I think you should gear up, but alot of people do it too soon. Maybe they are just lazy who knows. Maybe I'm wrong. I have many friends, people I know who take them. I see what they do to these people. The confidence they gain. The respect from people at the gym and in life. People don't care about average joes. They want to see the elite. The best of the best. In powerlifting and almost all strength sports, steroids are part of that.
I'm a pretty emotional person. Anyone who has known me for any extended period of time knows this. You can't keep all your gains from the drugs. Thats just something I have seen first hand. Even if you do your post cycle properly, eventually you will lose the size and strength (from what i've seen about 6-8 weeks you start to notice a decline). This stuff is not permanant. Me personally, I would not be able to cope, working that hard to get all those gains, then having to go off and lose part of what I worked for would kill me. I've
I've had cycles planed out thinking I was going to do them but never went through. Alot of powerlifting cycles involve "Test Suspension" and "Anadrol-50". These two produce very fast gains for strength but do come with some side effects. One known to almost anyone in the drug world is the phrase "Andro Cock". I don't really need to explain, I'm sure you can figure it out. Anyways I'm not going to ramble on about Cyp, Deca, Ethanate, EQ all the different types because that is not the point of this post.
I have someone who I talk to on a constant basis. He is an elite powerlifer in the united states, who is very well known for his deadlifting. He has cleared up alot of questions I had about the drugs, and even tells me who is on and who isn't when it comes to people online. It's amazing because most of the people who go on he says, will never come off for more than a month or two. Like he calls it, "an addiction", that's exactly what it is. Once you turn into that person in which you envision, the bigger, stronger, faster self, why would you go back, right? As he tells me, he guarantees, that once I start my first cycle, I will be addicted for the rest of my life. Because I will never want to go back to the person I was. Like he says "Chad, listen.... You can be fat and decently strong naturally, or gear up and be that strong as shit person you always talk about. On top of that, you'll lose weight and look a ton better." Quoted straight from him. This hit me hard, because this guy knows how I think and what I want. He's elite and knows what it takes. You can't argue with an 875 x 4 deadlift at 290.
This is part of the reason I don't want to do them. For me its scary. What will happen? Will it be what I think. Will I become addicted? Will I become the person I envision? What will I do when I have to go off? I'll probably feel like shit.
I want people to respect me and take me seriously and sometimes I think the only way to do that is to go on and be that animal. The beast ripping shit apart. I see to many people go on drugs who are weak, look like shit, and wonder whats the point if your not strong as hell, or look like a beast. Waste of time in my opinion.
So in the end, I'll probably end of going on them. Now? No. I have natural potential. I can get stronger naturally. I've only been powerlifting for about 3 months now. I need to give myself a chance to progress. I'm hoping the cube method will help that. I need to stay drug free and just realize that I'm doing this for myself and not anyone else. Don't worry about other people. Better myself. Its tough for me to think like that, but I need to in order to succeed.
Anyways I had to talk about it because it's on my mind all day